So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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