FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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