my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
