Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
