i just wanna soil my oats bro
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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