Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
