Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
