So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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