My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
