I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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