I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
