What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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