you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
