His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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