I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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