make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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