So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
