I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
