I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
