We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
