A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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