He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
