I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
