My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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