just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
