4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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