if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
