Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
