She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
