Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Mom said you looked used
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
