Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hippo gnu deer
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
