so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize