Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
