you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
