The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
