All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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