Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
