god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
