dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
