she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
