Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
