Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
