she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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