does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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