I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
