the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
