How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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