You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
