there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
