i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
