Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
