I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
