I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
