haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
