1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
