a queef is a wish your heart makes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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