I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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