I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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