So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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