just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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