i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
