I cockslap morals
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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