I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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