so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
